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September 11th, 2008
08:25 am
Hurricane Ike...AHHHHHH!!!! This is my first real experiencce with a hurricane. Please pray for my family, especially my grandmother, who is on oxygen and probably could not survive an extended power outage.
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August 7th, 2008
09:11 pm - My latest game
How could I forget to mention my latest video game addiction? It is this game right here:
La-Mulana is, hands down, the BEST treasure hunter game I've ever played! It plays like a 2D side-scrolling platformer on the MSX and has some of the best music I've ever heard in a game. This is exactly the kind of challenge I was looking for when I posted a few months ago.
Here is the link if you are interested:
La-Mulana
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June 8th, 2008
11:12 pm - Monthly update
My sister just returned from her visit. She took me shopping- something I dislike but had a great need for- and helped me find some work clothes as well as clothes for my trip. In addition, we had a lot of bonding time which more than makes up for the lack of communication due to our conflicting schedules.
My self-esteem study at work commenced last week and has been going smoothly. I'm already learning a great deal about how to better benefit the seniors through our activity program. This will also provide great insight as my siter and I plan for our future nursing home.
My vacation to Cancun is exactly a month away and I cannot wait! It will occur right when my study ends, giving me a much needed period of relaxation. I intend to do some reflecting, particularly on my future direction spiritually, financially and romantically. This time last year I believed that the most important thing in life is to do something that you enjoy and that everything else (including success) comes from that. I've had a real change of heart and now believe that the most important thing is to live for God. It's taking quite a bit of humility for me to admit that, especially because I've always taken pride in my independence and my ability to rely on myself.
This study is actually helping me think about the book I'm writing about seniors, particularly how to ask the right questions to get the elderly comfortable with sharing their knowledge. That was part of what was holding me back before- frustration that my questions were too complex for the short time of the interview. I intend to rethink this once my study is complete.
Things are going pretty well for the most part. I'll update again after my trip!
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May 5th, 2008
11:35 pm - Forgot to mention
In other news, my employee review went really well. I'm expecting a promotion in winter and a pay increase next month so I couldn't be happier. As for my self-esteem study, I am about halfway done with the surveys, and once completed, I will wait a few weeks before beginning the activities so the seniors hopefully forget having taken the surveys. I'm putting considerable thought into the activities in the hopes that the seniors self-esteem and quality of life will really benefit from them. Let me know if you know of any team-building or self-esteem building activities. I will only be selecting 6-8 activities, but I want a large selection (preferably around 25) to choose from. As of now, I have 20 so I am very close.
Wow...can you believe I mentioned my videogame goal before all of this? Probably because I do my best to leave work at work so that I can fully recharge.
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May 4th, 2008
10:14 pm - Victory Shall be Mine
I FINALLY beat Twilight Princess after owning it for a year. The reason I quit before is that I lost interest in it after the second temple. That's a shame because the plot really thickens beyond that point. Nevertheless, I've come to the conclusion that I lose interest in games far too easily. In order to remedy this, I made a goal to finish every game I've ever started. To ensure that I follow through with this promise, I made a list of the order I will complete these games. Here it is so you all can hold me accountable:
1. The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker- I have already reached the third dungeon, so I expect to finish the game by the end of the week.
2. Dragon Quest 8: Melissa, can you believe that I lost interest in this AGAIN??? I realized that the reason I stopped playing is that I was being a perfectionist. While being a perfectionist serves me well at work, this attribute only adds frustration to my gaming.
3. Kingdom Hearts: I've been saying that I would play this game for over a year now. It's time that I do so.
4. Star Fox Adventures: I made it to the halfway point before my 2004 Christmas break ended. I haven't played since then.
5. James Bond: Agent Under Fire: Again, I haven't played this since Christmas break 2004.
6. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City: I haven't picked this up since summer 2006. That needs to change.
7. Azure Dreams (PS): I almost completed it, but resigned to my frustration with those darn Kraken and Arachne's a few months ago.
There are more, but that list will keep me busy for awhile. Kudos to anyone who recognizes the picture below:
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March 25th, 2008
12:05 am - Revealing my nerdiness
I am anxiously awaiting the fan translation of several games, particularly:
1. Live-a-Live: a translation already exists, but this one makes some much needed improvements. Hands down, this revision will be AMAZING.
2. Mother 3: I loved Mother 2 AKA Earthbound, but I need to finish Mother 1. I have no doubt #3 will rock though.
3. Breath of Fire 2: The BOF translators suck. Ever since learning of this translation, I refused to replay BOF 2. Now, two years later, it is almost complete!
4. Romancing Saga 2: The Romancing Saga series is not well known, and this is by far the best in the series. I cannot wait for it!
5. Dragon Quest 3: I played this game on GBC, but I cannot wait to play it with the SNES graphics.
6. Dragon Slayer Jr.: Romancia: This is one of the prequels to Legacy of the Wizard, a game I grew up with. Cannot wait!
7. Fire Emblem 5: Progress is still being made, but it looks promising.
After all that, can you believe that I once thought I would grow out of videogames once I graduated college? No...that certainly will not be happening anytime soon! Hopefully never!
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March 16th, 2008
08:26 pm - Another month, another update
Things have been pretty busy lately. I'm making a lot of progress on my self-esteem study for seniors with Alzheimers. I had to keep pushing deadlines back as my supervisor and I were overwhelmed with work all throughout January and February. However, I've developed about 20 activities that will be used in the 6-week study beginning in April. This is so exciting as less than 5% of self-esteem studies have been performed on seniors, and an even smaller percentage of that 5% relates to Alzheimers. I am treading on a new and enlightening path. Wish me luck!
I'm planning a trip to Cancun with some friends from church. While I am fortunate to have access to enough frequent flier miles for a free flight, I still need to budget carefully. Still, this is just the relaxation I've had in mind as I need some time to reflect on the fact that it's been a year since I've graduated! I want to do something special to commemorate such a significant change in my life and especially consider what areas in my life I'm pleased with and what areas I'd like to change.
In other news, I'm dating Eric, the guy I mentioned last month. We're taking things really slow, which we both agree is the best way to take things. He does quite a bit of traveling for his job, and will be in Brazil for 2 more weeks. It has been awhile since my last serious relationship, but it didn't take long for me to remember that I act silly when I first like a guy. After our first kiss, I drove home giggling like a school girl. Not to mention simply thinking about him blankets me with a warmth only infatuation can provide. Infatuation, while a temporary feeling, sure is fun while it lasts!
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February 18th, 2008
11:29 pm - Derusting my dating game
So I have a date tomorrow which I'm pretty excited about. He and I have a lot in common from our love of the simple pleasures in life, to our desire to help others to our love of old school video games. We've known each other for about a month now so we'll see how this turns out. Wish me luck! It's been about a year since I've been on date, so I might be a bit rusty. Any tips to relieve pre-date jitters?
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February 5th, 2008
10:52 pm
This week has been a remarkable week for me as it was the first time one of the seniors I've worked with has passed away. I always knew this time would come, but I never expected Bill to be the one. Aside from his knee problem, he was so healthy, so energetic and so enthusiastic about life. My boss told me first thing on Monday and I just couldn't believe it. Then when the news finally settled in, I started to tear up. I excused myself from my boss' office as I prefer to be alone when I cry, and while I only cried for a few minutes, I spent the rest of the day remembering Bill. Little memories brought a smile to my face like the way he would dance or the crazy comments he'd make during Bridge. Being a compassionate and sensitive person, I always worried how I would react to the death of my senior friends, but this experience taught me that I can still become attached to the seniors. I don't have to sacrifice my compassion to motivate myself to go to work everyday. However, I am very inexperienced in dealing with loss as the closest person to me who ever died was a friend of mine in college. Have you ever lost someone? What steps did you take to recover?
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January 17th, 2008
03:14 pm - I've got rhythm, sorta...
Things have sure been busy these past few months. My little sister came down for Christmas, and I spent some time with her and my parents. It was nice catching up since I don't often have the opportunity to speak with her with her school and my work schedule. Other than that, I've been doing some research at work regarding the self-esteem of senior citizens which is going well. In my spare time, I've been improving my skill in DDR, which I got for Christmas. I've never been good at that game, and usually remained on light/basic mode. Now I've advanced to difficult mode and it's getting INTENSE. I'm passing most of the songs with a B or a C, but I have yet to make an A on any song in difficult mode. Oh well. At least it's good exercise!
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December 9th, 2007
06:23 pm - Lack of Challenge
Lately I've been really enjoying the old school platforms like
1) Sunset Riders
2) Star Tropics
3) Legend of Zelda II
4) Contra
5) Dick Tracy
6) Skuljagger- a pirate bubblegum game!
7) Legacy of the Wizard
8) Bucky O'Hare
9) Batman 1
10) Bubble Bobble
11) Ninja Gaiden
12) Mega Man (all)
Many of these are games I grew up on and I feel that few modern games can compare to them. True the modern games have better graphics, better character development and a better plot, but the replayability and gameplay often lack. If you've played any of those games, you probably know what I'm talking about. I've played few games that fill me with the sense of accomplishment that come from beating Legacy of the Wizard or the Legend of Zelda II. The ending of both games is not rewarding in the least, but beating either game makes you feel like an accomplished gamer. Perhaps I haven't played the right modern games (I have a Gamecube, PS2 and a Wii), but I can't think of a single one that I would brag to anyone about beating. For each of the games I listed, there were times when I wanted to throw my controller out the window (I did actually come close to breaking one) from the frustration of the puzzles or the cheapness of the enemies. There hasn't been one game that has made me feel that way on the modern systems. Does anyone disagree? I would sure appreciate a challenge!
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August 18th, 2007
11:26 pm - Amusing
One of the seniors told me on Monday that I act like an old lady. I asked her what she meant and she explained that I talk about my childhood/adolescence as if it were 40 years ago. I guess I wore a puzzled expression because she said that she meant it as a compliment- that I am wise and mature. In addition to my personality, I have recently taken a liking to Bridge, The Golden Girls and Frank Sinatra's movies. The friends I've made at church even tease me for being old, and most of them are around 10 years older than me! I've been really striving to relate to the seniors at work, and this comment makes me feel I'm heading in the right direction.
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May 31st, 2007
11:08 pm - Resistance
I had a thought come to me at work today, and I'm not sure what to make of it...
One of my friends once told me that life post-graduation is awkward because things become more routine. You develop a consistent schedule and become more independent and comfortable with yourself and your abilities. While this is a good and welcome distraction from the transition taking place, I cannot help but desire new challenges. My friend specifically stated that he wanted a new job after working a few months because he was used to changing classes every semester. I thought that was odd before, but now I understand.
School is about learning a subject and then moving on to another course. Work is about mastering your job in order to more efficiently fulfill your duties. Maybe you'll be promoted. Maybe you'll even change companies. But it's likely to be a similar position and a similar type of work. And even if you do one day decide to open your own business/organization, you're not really your own boss. You're accountable to all of your employees. It is them you're working for.
I know this entry has a negative tone, and I think it's because my life as a college graduate is finally hitting me. I am finally beginning to feel like an adult, and that thought scares me because I thought I already was. If I wasn't an adult in college, what was I? I guess it's natural to look back and see that you felt more mature and capable than you actually were. I thought I was so intelligent when I was 18, but the thought of my 18-year-old self at age 22 makes me cringe. I was so naive then, and I probably am now. At least, I'll probably feel that way in another 4 years...
Anyway, this entry isn't so much negative as fear of the unknown. I have so many goals and dreams, and it's up to me whether I will succeed at them. I am the one that will determine how far I will go. Publishers may reject my book or people may choose not to support my nursing home, but I am the one that will decide when/if I will give up. Then I am the one who will have to live with my decision. As one of my role models once said: "Start following your dreams or start lining up your excuses for why you didn't." No one will condemn me for giving up because most people do. But there are few I can depend on to encourage me the entire way. Finding encouragement in yourself and seeking validation from yourself is what it truly means to be an adult.
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May 28th, 2007
09:33 pm - Random updates
There is much to say, and since I've been insanely busy, I'm just going to list everything.
1. I've graduated from college and moved to Houston, Texas. I am able to afford my own apartment for even cheaper than I was paying to have a roommate in California!
2. I am employed as an activities director at a senior citizen day care for seniors with mild to moderate memory loss. I've only been working for a few weeks, but I love both the seniors and my co-workers.
3. I've begun writing my book regarding the wisdom and experience of the elderly. I'm addressing about 100 senior citizens for 5-10 minutes tomorrow to attempt to gain their interest in sharing their story. Wish me luck!
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February 27th, 2007
04:08 pm - Random
Today I was working with the elderly and I met another resident. As we shook hands, I heard a loud crack. Fearing that I squeezed her hand too hard, I immediately tensed, but upon recoiling my hand I felt a sharp pain in my middle finger. That crack wasn't her hand after all. It was mine! You see, it's just weird to me because I grew up playing sports and have played the piano for the past 3 years. In other words, I have pretty strong hands and it takes a lot to injure them. Maybe I'm weaker than I think? Oh well. As long as I didn't hurt her.
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February 20th, 2007
11:41 pm
Don't you hate it when you get a B on a test you invested hours studying for and an A on a test you didn't study for? Not a helpful remedy for my senioritis!
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January 25th, 2007
08:58 pm - Size doesn't matter
Today was a marvelous day. After class I went to The Getty with a close friend of mine and came away from the experience learning a valuable lesson. In short, we both acknowledged the emphasis historic culture placed on hard work and quality. Just visit any historical cathedral or palace and admire the detail and precision that went into the decades (or occasionally centuries) behind the creation of such a masterpiece. This is opposed to modern society which emphasizes efficiency and quantity. It doesn't matter that houses in the suburbs look remarkably alike or that structures in the city are clustered together. The important thing is that the building require the least amount of resources and be erected as quickly as possible.
Before I get to my point, let me mention that I comprehend the necessity behind conserving resources and efficiency. Let me also mention that I am grateful to technology, without which I would most likely not have the spare time to compose this rant. I recognize that time I would have spent washing or mending clothes, preparing food and fighting illness can be (thanks to technology) dedicated to earning a college degree, developing my self and just enjoying life in general. This is not the direction I am going.
Instead, this visit to The Getty taught me the importance of creation. Imagine how these historic individuals must have felt gazing upon their completed work. These structures were regarded by nearly everyone and still command respect today. In short, this is the kind of dedication I desire to invest in the nursing home/assisted living facility my sister and I are in the works of opening.
You see, as I gazed at the villa (which houses the artifacts of The Getty), I noticed that every wall, every floor and every ceiling was graced with various artwork and detail. Just consider the number of people that contributed to this. Even the humble individual who set a few tiles could walk away from the villa knowing he played a part in the completion of the entire structure. That's how I want my (and my sister's) nursing home/assisted living facility to be.
I want each resident that desires such recognition to know that he/she has made a mark on the world and will leave the world a better place having lived. Even if the individual leads an incredibly self-centered life and has not yet made a mark they are satisfied with, I want to help any who wished to be helped in that task. Every elderly individual is alive for a reason, and it is not too late for them to accomplish something they can be proud of, even if it is just simply placing a few tiles. It's not the size of the mark itself, but rather the importance of that mark to the individual.
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January 16th, 2007
04:45 pm - Wiser still than their years
Today was my first day at the nursing home and already I am absolutely smitten with the elderly residents. One by the name of Mary has always loved reading but can no longer do so because she is nearly blind. I promised her I'd bring a book with me on my next visit and read to her. Another was creating a card for her great grandchildren in Brazil which I found really moving. In all of my experience working with the elderly, I find that many of them have much wisdom and experience to offer that is often written off by today's youth as "trite, mindless ramble." This is precisely why I want to work with and better the quality of life for the elderly. There are other reasons in addition to this all of which I will expound on at a later date. As of now, I just need to express my joy in the few minutes I have before Deviant Behavior and Social Control.
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January 9th, 2007
10:26 pm - PWNing my feelings!!11!!1!! LOLOLOL
Have you ever pined for someone you can't have? I thought the crush I recognized during dead week was just an innocent infatuation, but I was mistaken. I have it pretty bad for someone I cannot have, which reminds me...I used to think that people want what they can't have for just that reason. Now that I find myself in that position, I see that there is another reason behind it. I see that we tend to desire who we cannot have because an unavailable person has little obligation to impress or put on a front for you. In other words, an unavailable person is comfortable being themself.
...Sigh...
There is no logic behind feelings. They are not right or wrong. They just are. As much as I'd like to say that this infatuation is wrong and be done with it, I cannot say that because that won't change how I feel. The only choice I have is whether or not to act on these feelings, and since I refuse, I must then do my best not to place myself in a position where these feelings may intensify or act for me.
It's funny, isn't it? You can be the most honorable and logical person, but you still can't control how you feel. You may deny or repress your feelings all you want, but lying to yourself only hurts you. How can you expect to improve your situation if you won't even admit there is a situation? You can only control how you react to your feelings and which feelings you will internalize. You are still responsible for your feelings even if you can't control how you feel. This means I'm going to own my feelings for the object of my affections (pun intended)!!!11!1!!1
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January 5th, 2007
07:27 pm - Reflections and Foresight
I think I've updated more this month than I did my entire junior year! In all honesty, my junior year was a slow year after I completed my Panhellenic duties at the end of September. Yes, people would tell me I deserved a break after my role in organizing Greek recruitment, but it's not easy transitioning from a leader to a follower. I fell into the trap that many people fall into by attempting to find myself in a new leadership role. I applied to various jobs and internships only to receive various rejection emails, calls or even a letter in one case. This is not something I shared with many people because I was far too ashamed and prideful. Yet, as much as each of these rejections hurt, it was all for the best. I had to learn that my identity does not rest in my roles or accomplishments. It rests only within myself because when I am retired and am no longer physically or mentally able to accomplish more, I will have to be enough for myself. No spouse, child, friend, role or accomplishment can supplement for my self-worth or identity. I will still be me when my spouse dies (assuming I marry) or when my children move on (assuming I breed in addition to the latter). Yes, my accomplishments (and even failures) will enable me to become a better version of myself, but they are not me. I will still be me when any of my failures or accomplishments become just a faint memory.
To sum it up, things are rarely what they appear. I thought my junior year was a wasted year, but now I realize that I needed some downtime to reevaluate my identity in preparation for my upcoming opportunities. Yes, you read that correctly. I have about 5 potential careers that I will be submitting resumes to and applying for this month. Wish me luck! Until then, I'm not going to worry about it anymore. It's said if you plan for a rainy day, you'll get just that. The same is true on the flip side: If you plan for your desired outcome, you'll get just that. It doesn't mean that the rainy day won't accompany your desired outcome, but planning for success is certainly more enjoyable! Cheers!
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selan's journal